dappledleaves | meme for pocky /high school AU meme

Mm. I hope next time she can stay home for longer. [He's a little wistful. Ever since their parents died...Beatrice had been working herself to the bone to clean up any loose ends and finalise the projects their father had been working on. It was a mess]

[ Oria feels for her, quietly sighing and burying his face into Sinclair again, wherever he can reach. ]

I hope she can get that rest soon...

[Sinclair blinks, feeling Oria's nose against his neck and tries not to squirm. That...tickles?]

She will. [Sinclair believed in that. But that's why he had been working hard on his own studies too. He couldn't leave everything just to her while he ran off and chased his own dreams] Soon.

[ Oria wishes his family could do something. While they could offer monetary assistance, they can't really do much else. Everything else would have to be done by the Sinclair family. ]

Did you talk to her about it...?

I did. But she keeps brushing me off. [It's annoying. He huffs a little and plants his face against Oria's hair, ruffling the ends of it to soothe himself] She says I should ignore all of that and focus on what I want to do.

[More than anyone, Beatrice and Oria were aware of the quiet family pressures that existed, even if it was a loving family. That's what the Sinclair parents had been like; loving and supportive, but with firm aspirations and expectations for each of their kids. Beatrice had wanted Sinclair to do his own thing, but...]

... It sounds like she just wants you to be happy, Emil.

[ Especially if Sinclair didn't like what he was doing beforehand. ]

You don't have to turn a blind eye, but helping her with small things would probably make her day. Like... sending her a text, or with a photo of what you found that day. If you give her something to look forward to, I'm sure she won't be burned out as quickly.

I know she does, but...

[It was hard. But he takes Oria's next words seriously, turning them over in his head]

...you really think it'd help?

[His voice is a little muffled, uncertain. He had been trying hard not to make Beatrice worry, especially since the school transfer was because Beatrice had seen what was happening to Sinclair and worried]

Yeah. I'm sure she'd love to see you have fun... and be happy... that's why she's working so hard.

[ ... ]

Besides, I hope she won't have to worry too much about you. I'm here, after all.

I was suppose to take more pictures for her.

[But sometimes he hesitated, feeling like it wasn't right. He still sent messages of course, the photo when prompted, but it hadn't been of his own volition. Hm. Sinclair nods, burying his face against Oria's hair a little more, his lips brushing across his temple almost like a kiss.

It's not on purpose, more like an accident of movement.]

You are. I'm so glad for that.

[So very thankful. This is what he meant that Oria felt like 'home'. ]

You've always known me best.

Edited 2023-12-16 20:55 (UTC)

I try my best.

[ He thought that was a kiss to his head, but then grumbles a little when he finds out that it isn't. How much longer does he have to hide his feelings? It's all a very self-imposed restriction, but he still feels like he should wait.

Even though Sinclair is so warm when next to him like this.

Even though... ]

I hate having to hide all the time...

[Sinclair is still blushing from it, and he's glad Oria can't see his face. He...wanted it to be a proper kiss. But would that be okay? Even though they're tangled up together like this, is that a line he shouldn't be crossing...? He nuzzles a little more]

You don't have to hide when you're with me. [He wrestles with his feelings for a moment, torn by uncertainty. But this time when he presses his lips to Oria's forehead, it's with a tiny bit more purpose. It's a thank you. It's a silent promise.]

I'll always support you no matter what.

[ It seems like a guarantee. Sinclair is one of the sincerest people he knows, and yet, he's still afraid. There shouldn't be anything to be scared of, but Oria knows that it's irrational. Logic and reasoning don't work out when there are emotions thrown into the mix, after all. His headache is getting to be really annoying.

Today is really just a day for Oria's vulnerabilities strewn about in front of Sinclair. ]

I know I shouldn't.

[ Sinclair smells like the rain. Just a little. ]

[Sinclair gives Oria a little reassuring squeeze, one hand rubbing over his back. It's warm. Secure. Softly]

You've always been holding so many things back. Even with me. [How could he not notice? It had been crystal clear once he joined Oria at this school, how often he put on a certain face, then avoided showing others...]

So...when you're ready, you can tell me what you want me to hear.

[ He really wants to mention that he only wants to say when Sinclair feels ready, because that's what he thinks this is. The other part being, well, his other secret. That, he feels like he needs to prepare himself for. ]

You're always so patient with me. Thanks.

[ Is it really something to be thanked for? Sinclair isn't sure, but he wont reject Oria's acceptance of that either. His hand drifts up, gently massaging the back of Oria's scalp. He hopes that can help soothe some of Oria's headache]

Mm. Of course. You're my closest friend. And...[Oria deserved no less after all. And maybe soon, he'll be able to say what's really on his mind, in a way that was easy to understand.]

[ Ugh. He buries his face into Sinclair's hoodie even more. He feels happy, yet so... empty. Sad. ]

And...?

I--[ The words get stuck in his throat a little. Isn't he just taking advantage right now? Every other time, he had let Oria divert him, push things in a certain way. But now that Oria wasn't feeling well and was holding him like he hadn't since they were kids...

But if he doesn't say it now--

He presses as closer as he can, his voice dropping a little]

...I love you. A lot. So...

[ There's a brief moment of silence between them with the only sound coming from the outside with the window open. The whistle of the wind comes inside and the breeze with it, blowing out several candles. The smell doesn't linger as much due to the breeze, but it's still stuffy inside the room. The vanilla candle remains lit.

Oria had a feeling. He'd have to be blind to not see it, and yet he did all those things. Guilt sinks in deeper than a rock inside the ocean trench. ]

... Is it because we're rooming together? So that we have more moments like this?

[ He's not dense, but wants to confirm some things. ]

[The silence is its own pain. Oria was decisive with everything he ever did. So for him to be silent now. Sinclair bites his lip and shakes his head. That stings too in a way, but Sinclair keeps his gaze set stubbornly on the wall behind Oria]

N-no. It has nothing to do with us rooming together. I've...always felt this way. Long before this.

[And...he wants to keep having moments like this, but it wasn't--That wasn't. The words get tied up again]

Long before this...

[ Oria repeats, muttering it under his breath. So then, it's fine, isn't it? It's fine. It should be fine. ]

So many things happened, but even so...

[ When Oria started dating around in high school, it had hurt unexpectedly. That's when Sinclair realised his feelings had moved beyond just 'friendship'. And he had tried to repress it as much as he could. He wasn't going to be clingy or jealous and ruin things with his own feelings. But he never stopped texting Oria, or calling him, or anything like it. It was only when his parents had died that he had stopped, for a while, until...

Then he came to the school and saw it first hand himself the life Oria had been leading away from him. Oh. And then he tried to bury his own feelings even more. But it was getting harder and harder, considering...]

...even so?

I was afraid that if we talked about anything like this, it would be as if I would be taking advantage of your emotional state. That's why I didn't want to say anything.

[ It's why he always brushed off whatever other people said about the matter, quickly moving on. ]

... But in trying, I guess... I did just that.

My emotional state...?

[ Sinclair tilts his head, as if he could get a glimpse of Oria's face from where it was still planted in his hoodie]

...I'm not that fragile, you know.

[But maybe he was, because he let them both just not address anything]

It's not about being fragile. I know you aren't. It's... irrational of me.

[ He wants to spit it out, but he's suddenly at a loss of words. It's him. It's his selfish ego. ]

So, I'm sorry.

[Sinclair swallows around the sudden lump in his throat and gently eases Oria back so he can look at his face.]

What for?

[He's sure, whatever Oria said next, he could be prepared.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject