dappledleaves | CICONIA: WHEN THEY CRY

She really did. I've been with the Geroy Institution for as long as I can remember, so she really helped me adjust to things.

[Freedom, being human and not a broken person playing at being a weapon...His chest aches a little. Knowing what friendship actually meant. Family]

Really?

[ Oria seems surprised. ]

That long?

[ He doesn't want to think about the conspiracies that lie within Geroy Institution... ]

Yeah, I mean...honestly everything before I turned fifteen is all a blur. All I know is that I was factory born and--

[Sinclair falters a little and he looks down again. Oria might see him differently now, but he wants to be honest. Oria needs to know who he is, even if Sinclair doesn't know himself]

...I caused an incident that let to people dying. I would have been in prison if it weren't for the Geroy Institution making me into a gauntlet knight.

[ There's a slow blink at Sinclair's confession. Oria doesn't say anything, but he nods as if to tell Sinclair to continue. Oria is here to listen and thinks this is a good starting point to talk about things. ]

...I don't actually remember what happened. It's cowardly but it's like I blocked it out so I wouldn't feel guilt. I still feel guilty though. I just remember...a lot of blood. Someone screaming. [Sinclair curls up in the beanbag even further, looking anxious] I leaked some military secrets. It would have been capital punishment or life imprisonment but if I agreed to go to the Geroy Institute, my crimes could be forgiven.

If that's the case, I wonder what you were like before everything if you even had access to military secrets.

[ Not just anybody has those?? Damn. Who was Emil Sinclair, really? But curiosity aside, when Sinclair starts losing anxious, Oria reaches over to hold his hand. ]

Trauma response by forgetting memories is normal. It's not cowardly.

Weird, right? I can't imagine knowing anything like that. [But who was he before that? He certainly wasn't a genius of any kind. A lot of what he had now was because of the 8MS implants and hard work to the point of breaking down his body over and over]

When I try to look at records from the AOU, I can't find anything. I guess the incident was really classified, but...

[He swallows, squeezing Oria's hand]

But...if I'm responsible, I should know it right? So I don't do it again. I wish there was a way to remember. Anything. It's weird.

[ There's a reason why people learn history--it's so that they can learn from other people's mistakes. Oria frowns. ]

If it's something that you really want to remember... then, do you think the people you're with can help you with that?

[ Though he knows Sinclair doesn't enjoy being there, so maybe the same sentiment extends to the staff. ]

[Sinclair hesitates]

Um...there's this new manager? I don't really know them yet. Or if 'manager' is the correct name for them. But this new group seems nicer.

[He's not sure if 'nicer' is the correct word]

Yeah, but being nice and allowing you to do something are two different things.

[ He hates to burst the bubble so easily, but... ]

I know. [ Still, the tentative hope persists] Maybe I can ask.

Only when you're sure that you want to know.

[ The truth can be ugly, and Sinclair probably knows, since it was just that bad to traumatically wipe from his mind. Oria seems concerned for Sinclair, giving his hand a little squeeze. ]

...I'm scared, of who I might have been. [Emil Sinclair was a blank slate with only an AI and Demian to keep him company] But I think I want to know regardless.

[ Oria is a little scared too, but only because Sinclair wants to know and he's not sure how this would affect him in the long run. He feels nervous, but he's aware that Sinclair must be feeling ten times as that. ]

I just want you to know... who you were doesn't change the person before me today.

[Sinclair swallows and squeezes Oria's hand again. Gently. Carefully. It's hard not to hold Oria's words in wonder]

...thank you, Oria. I think...I think I can be braver now.

[ Sinclair... Oria gently squeezes his hand. ]

You were already brave. You're braver now.

[ And he's not just saying this to make him feel better. Oria truly believes it. ]

[ Having this kind of faith bolsters Sinclair's wavering confidence]

...if you believe in me, then I can definitely be.

[That's how much Oria's faith means to him]

I need to go now but... I'll see you when I get back?

Alright. Send me a message when you can.

[ Even if he's sleeping by the time or whatever. Oria would stay in this virtual room by his lonesome, but he has things to do that requires his full attention. ]

[...

He impulsively leans forward to hug Oria and then logs out.

He'll see Oria in two days.

And true to his word, he does send a message when he gets back. It's late in the evening, well after all the other knights have returned to their quarters to rest after dinner.]

[ Oria is not one of the GKs that returned to the quarters after dinner. In fact, he's not anywhere around the building. ]

did you wanna meet up

Yes. Where did you go?

[Sinclair had checked the dining hall even...]

secret agent mission

[ no ]

Oh. Was it fun?

[he'll play along]

im in the middle of it!!
i wouldnt say its fun tho
but real talk
did you just come back
where do you wanna meet

yes. maybe your room? or my room. rec room is kinda crowded...I don't feel like running into anyone else. it's awkward.

[and lol at Oria coming to the library]

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