I know. [Sinclair tilts his head to kiss Oria's cheek gently] But I think it's better sometimes to take it bit by bit, instead of trying to rush things, and getting more hurt.
[He thinks...Oria has more than enough people pushing him, demanding things out of him, including Oria himself. Sinclair kisses Oria back gently, slowly, reaching up with his free hand to cup Oria's cheek. If there's one thing he wants to give Oria, it's time]
[ In his life, Oria was given so many things. Sure, they weren't the things he needed, but he couldn't take them for granted. It feels even more pronounced now, when he feels like he lost something important, but can't figure out what it is. Regardless, the feeling of loss continues to haunt his thoughts. He's accepted that his father had passed away, but how he died still doesn't feel real. He feels like he can still feel the occasional shocks from the collar that doesn't exist and it becomes hard to breathe.
Sinclair's hand over his cheek is the only thing that keeps him grounded at the moment. ]
Everything, huh...
[ He could ask Sinclair of anything reasonable. Oria wants to stop thinking, because that, too, feels terrible. He can't just bury these feelings and have Sinclair help him do that. It's unfair to him, and Oria doesn't want to taint it with his own trauma. ]
[Sinclair nods, and presses their foreheads together, eyes fluttering half shut. The pain Oria had gone through was unimaginable. His hand continues to cup Oria's cheek, rubbing his thumb over it slowly]
Love. Time...safety...everything.
[The pain Oria was going through was unimaginable. And destroying Sarabi wouldn't salve any wounds or provide justice. He knew that the moment he stood over Kromer's corpse and felt empty; it would have been the same for Oria. But still, Sinclair wanted to be here. It wasn't okay. And Oria deserved time, space to grieve with the people who loved him]
[ Oria can feel the love through Sinclair's actions. When their foreheads touch, he wants to believe that thr pain will stop. When he feels Sinclair's thumb over his cheek, he wants to believe that he will no longer be plagued by the memories of killing a member of his own precious family.
Sinclair will feel a wetness on his thumb that isn't from the pool. The mental pressure had become too much and finally breaks the focus of holding his tears back. He quietly cries, letting the occasional tear fall down his face and he doesn't make a sound. Sinclair's love and care felt so overwhelming in a positive way that he feels that he just has to cry. ]
[Sinclair brushes Oria's tears away gently, and then pulls him into a proper hug, warm and firm, gently guiding Oria down to rest against his shoulder. He's here. He'll fight tooth and nail for the right to be by Oria's side, he thinks. There's nothing he can say. Nor does he want Oria to shut the dam on his grief again. So he holds Oria close without a word, rubbing a hand gently over Oria's hair. It was alright to cry]
[ Oria knows that Sinclair would want him to have time to grieve, so crying would be okay too. He rests his forehead on Sinclair's shoulder as he continues to quietly cry. Sometimes the tears fall on his glasses. Sometimes they fall into the pool. It's really the first time he's been allowed to grieve and cry in front of someone in real life. And that person won't push him away.
The love and reassurance feels like it would break him, but if it allows him to be reconstructed in a way that feels less pain, he'd be fine with that. He would be fine to be broken by love and support. ]
Thank you, Emil...
[ His voice almost cracks, a wail nearly escaping his throat. ]
[ Oria quietly breathes out. It's always so easy to believe in Sinclair. He's proved to him and others that he's always sincere. He can always be trusted. ]
You're so romantic, Emil. But even without that sort of thing, you always move my heart.
I know. You're a natural. That's why your words are always moving to hear. You get your feelings across very well and I never want to take that away from you.
[ He tightly holds onto his hand. Even though Oria has his own things to worry about, he wonders how Sinclair felt ever since Kromer died, but he can't bring it up. The words die out in his throat before they can leave. He wanted to kill Kromer for so long. ]
[Sinclair squeezes Oria in turn. He hasn't managed to really process his feelings with Kromer yet. Maybe it's because he's seen so much evil in between, the worst of humanity alongside the best of it...
It's complicated now.]
Mm. You've always made it easy for me to say what I want to say. [Without having to stress about holding back, about having to second-guess everything]
[ If Oria knew, he would know that it's the reason why that Sinclair is still kindhearted. Not feeling satisfied about the death of someone you long since hated is normal. However, if Oria didn't have all this trauma bogging him down, he would have been pretty happy at Kromer carking it, because then he'd know that she'd never torture Sinclair again. And that's enough happiness to be derived from someone's death for him. ]
Good. If it wasn't, I would have to try harder. I want to be worthy of your trust.
[ There is no one else in the world that he trusts more than Sinclair. Oria still has the rest of his family, but if it's still about trust, Sinclair still takes the cake by far. ]
[Oh. It's not that Sinclair didn't know that Oria trusted him deeply. Oria didn't trust in general. That's why he was determined to protect that trust no matter what]
Ah. That's so important to me too.
[He cups Oria's damp cheeks between his hands and kisses him softly in meaning]
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[ Oria laughs a little and nuzzles into the side of Sinclair's head. ]
But still... I want to get better as soon as possible.
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[ Look, a joke. Still. Oria appreciates Sinclair so much. ]
I'm still grateful that you're here. You've always supported me in so many ways. When you keep saying things like that...
[ He's been at a loss of words more often than not lately, but with his free hand, he turns and holds onto Sinclair's shoulder to give him a kiss. ]
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[He thinks...Oria has more than enough people pushing him, demanding things out of him, including Oria himself. Sinclair kisses Oria back gently, slowly, reaching up with his free hand to cup Oria's cheek. If there's one thing he wants to give Oria, it's time]
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Sinclair's hand over his cheek is the only thing that keeps him grounded at the moment. ]
Everything, huh...
[ He could ask Sinclair of anything reasonable. Oria wants to stop thinking, because that, too, feels terrible. He can't just bury these feelings and have Sinclair help him do that. It's unfair to him, and Oria doesn't want to taint it with his own trauma. ]
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Love. Time...safety...everything.
[The pain Oria was going through was unimaginable. And destroying Sarabi wouldn't salve any wounds or provide justice. He knew that the moment he stood over Kromer's corpse and felt empty; it would have been the same for Oria. But still, Sinclair wanted to be here. It wasn't okay. And Oria deserved time, space to grieve with the people who loved him]
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Sinclair will feel a wetness on his thumb that isn't from the pool. The mental pressure had become too much and finally breaks the focus of holding his tears back. He quietly cries, letting the occasional tear fall down his face and he doesn't make a sound. Sinclair's love and care felt so overwhelming in a positive way that he feels that he just has to cry. ]
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The love and reassurance feels like it would break him, but if it allows him to be reconstructed in a way that feels less pain, he'd be fine with that. He would be fine to be broken by love and support. ]
Thank you, Emil...
[ His voice almost cracks, a wail nearly escaping his throat. ]
Thanks for being by my side.
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I'll always be here. I'll find my way to you no matter what.
[ He presses a kiss the side of Oria's head. Whether it was a need or a want]
Nothing will change that.
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[ Oria quietly breathes out. It's always so easy to believe in Sinclair. He's proved to him and others that he's always sincere. He can always be trusted. ]
You're so romantic, Emil. But even without that sort of thing, you always move my heart.
[ His cold heart. ]
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[Sinclair nuzzles at Oria's hair, smiling softly. He hadn't intended on being any sort of romantic, but...knowing he can reach Oria is a good feeling]
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[ He tightly holds onto his hand. Even though Oria has his own things to worry about, he wonders how Sinclair felt ever since Kromer died, but he can't bring it up. The words die out in his throat before they can leave. He wanted to kill Kromer for so long. ]
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It's complicated now.]
Mm. You've always made it easy for me to say what I want to say. [Without having to stress about holding back, about having to second-guess everything]
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Good. If it wasn't, I would have to try harder. I want to be worthy of your trust.
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Mmm. You know there's no one I trust more.
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[ There is no one else in the world that he trusts more than Sinclair. Oria still has the rest of his family, but if it's still about trust, Sinclair still takes the cake by far. ]
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Ah. That's so important to me too.
[He cups Oria's damp cheeks between his hands and kisses him softly in meaning]
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My love for you runs so deeply...
[ He whispers under his breath and kisses him again. ]
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Mm. And I'm the romantic...? [Another kiss, gentle and soft] I love you so much.
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[ He wishes Sinclair could stay with him forever, but that's not something he can do. That's why he has to take advantage of the time he has now. ]
Can you come to my room some time after dinner? I want to show you something.
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[ Last time he had been able to stay overnight with Oria without any questions. But now that he has his own room maybe it's different?]
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[ Oria laughs. He's definitely not making this a prison for him. ]
You're allowed to freely move around the house. Just tell someone if you're leaving the property.
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[ Laughing. Oh, now that he thinks about it...]
So it's fine if I borrow the kitchen after dinner too?
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[ He doesn't have to, but Oria will make a note. ]
Are you gonna make something?
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