CICONIA: WHEN THEY CRY

[insinning]

It's a holy night. Silent night.

All is calm.

Everything is b r i g h t.

Comments

[insinning]

I think they did. [Sinclair says, puzzled and unsure. He leans into Oria's touch with a tiny huff]

...I hate being here though. I want to get out.

[dissimulative]

You "think"?

[ Oria looks confused. What does that even mean!! Anyway, the avatar leads Sinclair so that they can sit comfortably on beanbag chairs. ]

What happened?

[insinning]

Normally... everything hurts so much because they don't want the anaesthesia to cause interference. But this time I just woke up?

[Which was unsettling in its own way, knowing there was a period of time he had zero awareness around. He settles down on the bean bag chair and makes himself comfortable]

[dissimulative]

Maybe it was a different procedure...?

[ ???

But what does that mean!! ]

How are you feeling now? Nothing strange?

[insinning]

Numb...I can't move my body just yet.

[ Sinclair says, stretching out his hands]

... I'm not sure if they even know I'm awake yet.

[dissimulative]

So you came here first thing when you regained consciousness?

[ That's so sweet. It makes Oria smile. ]

Here's hoping there's no pain when the numbness wears off.

[insinning]

Mmm. I wanted to see you.

[Sinclair admits. It's only been a few days, but he wants to get out now.]

There isn't normally a lot of pain after, with the 8MS implants they've given me.

[dissimulative]

[ Everyone has 8MS implants, but— ]

Yours are pretty special, huh? It'd be nice if I could visit, but...

[ He thinks back to his previous "visit". The security was crazy. ]

[insinning]

I don't know if you'd want to...it's a pretty terrible place.

[Though honestly, if Oria came in as a Severine representative and backer, all the doors would be open for him]

[dissimulative]

[ Oria fucking wishes. Unfortunately, he has less power here. Can't believe being a child soldier helps him live out his youth as intended more. ]

I'd go there for you.

[ Yeah!! ]

[insinning]

[rip being a child soldier limiting them both]

Yeah?

[dissimulative]

Yeah!

[ Oria laughs. ]

What do you take me for? Of course I'd go. I even tried that one time, remember? I got turned around because I didn't have a high enough clearance.

[insinning]

[Of course. Sinclair hadn't been aware of it at the time, but...Sinclair ducks his head and smiles]

...I do wonder what it takes to have a high enough clearance. Maybe age...?

[Did Aria have the clearance? She was his "handler" after all.]

[dissimulative]

Hey, now. Let's not make this about age.

[ If she was his "handler", then probably. Also, Oria will not crossdress as his dead sister to get clearance tyvm. ]

I guess bigwigs.

[ He sighs. ]

Anyway... you feel like talking about things now?

[insinning]

[Please no. One, Oria would be caught immediately. Another, just no]

Ahaha...I'm just making a guess. I think Aria came by once.

[He assumes. A lot of his memories are a mess, especially anything involved in the institute. Then his expression sobers a little]

Yeah...is there anything you wanted to ask in particular? I don't even know where to start.

[dissimulative]

[ Oria makes himself comfortable in his own beanbag chair next to Sinclair's and thinks for a while. There's a lot that he wants to ask--the things that he missed out on, the things that he felt completely blindsided for. ]

Was Aria kinda like your caretaker?

[insinning]

Mm...she was my handler. [Sinclair leans back a little] My official designation is that of 'equipment'. I don't know how much she knew, but she definitely knew more about me than she let on. She was suppose to make sure I was obedient and um...'safe'.

[dissimulative]

I guess this stuff is normally under wraps.

[ Because Oria sure as hell didn't know about this, but he's not really offended. This is his time to catch up. Now that Oria thinks about it, Aria's actions make sense. She never really showed her experience in caring for another person until Sinclair appeared in their lives though. Before that, Oria just thought Aria was a ditz with gauntlet knight potential. It's ironic since he isn't upset at Sinclair for hiding these things, but he finds himself increasingly frustrated that he keeps finding out new aspects of Aria that he never knew before. ]

She did well on that front, at least.

[insinning]

She really did. I've been with the Geroy Institution for as long as I can remember, so she really helped me adjust to things.

[Freedom, being human and not a broken person playing at being a weapon...His chest aches a little. Knowing what friendship actually meant. Family]

[dissimulative]

Really?

[ Oria seems surprised. ]

That long?

[ He doesn't want to think about the conspiracies that lie within Geroy Institution... ]

[insinning]

Yeah, I mean...honestly everything before I turned fifteen is all a blur. All I know is that I was factory born and--

[Sinclair falters a little and he looks down again. Oria might see him differently now, but he wants to be honest. Oria needs to know who he is, even if Sinclair doesn't know himself]

...I caused an incident that let to people dying. I would have been in prison if it weren't for the Geroy Institution making me into a gauntlet knight.

[dissimulative]

[ There's a slow blink at Sinclair's confession. Oria doesn't say anything, but he nods as if to tell Sinclair to continue. Oria is here to listen and thinks this is a good starting point to talk about things. ]

[insinning]

...I don't actually remember what happened. It's cowardly but it's like I blocked it out so I wouldn't feel guilt. I still feel guilty though. I just remember...a lot of blood. Someone screaming. [Sinclair curls up in the beanbag even further, looking anxious] I leaked some military secrets. It would have been capital punishment or life imprisonment but if I agreed to go to the Geroy Institute, my crimes could be forgiven.

[dissimulative]

If that's the case, I wonder what you were like before everything if you even had access to military secrets.

[ Not just anybody has those?? Damn. Who was Emil Sinclair, really? But curiosity aside, when Sinclair starts losing anxious, Oria reaches over to hold his hand. ]

Trauma response by forgetting memories is normal. It's not cowardly.

[insinning]

Weird, right? I can't imagine knowing anything like that. [But who was he before that? He certainly wasn't a genius of any kind. A lot of what he had now was because of the 8MS implants and hard work to the point of breaking down his body over and over]

When I try to look at records from the AOU, I can't find anything. I guess the incident was really classified, but...

[He swallows, squeezing Oria's hand]

But...if I'm responsible, I should know it right? So I don't do it again. I wish there was a way to remember. Anything. It's weird.