CICONIA: WHEN THEY CRY

[insinning]

It's a holy night. Silent night.

All is calm.

Everything is b r i g h t.

Comments

[dissimulative]

[ Oria holds his hand as tightly as he can, which isn't much but he's trying. ]

I don't think so. One of the nations that AOU used to be was a melting pot of cultures, so many people all over the world came to this land. I tried tracing my heritage before and if my parents didn't settle here, I would have been from ABN.

[ Since Britain is from there too, apparently. ]

[insinning]

[ "Me too" is automatic. But that can't be right, can it]

...the ABN is very religious, isn't it? Do they...dislike factory born?

[ His head hurts]

[dissimulative]

[ Oria slightly tilts his head while thinking. Hm... ]

I'm not sure about their general opinion, but I know COU doesn't like the concept of it in general. ABN is pretty religious as you said and my life probably would have been really different if I was there, but last I heard, they're really gung-ho about religious freedom, so you can't slander any religion without facing consequences.

[insinning]

[ "It's blasphemous how--"

"The damned AOU freaks. Thinking they're all high and mighty."

His head pounds. Why is he remembering this?

"Sinclair, remember our deal. I'll help you if you..."]

I remember hearing that too. That... they had a lot of religious freedom but also, a lot of discrimination against certain groups of people.

[dissimulative]

Honestly, there's probably discrimination wherever you go.

[ Nationalism, tribalism, etc

Oria looks over at Sinclair and looks worried. ]

... Hey, what's wrong? You look like you're straining something.

[insinning]

[ Ah. Sinclair snaps out of it and shakes his head]

Sorry. I'm supposed to be here to check in on you and now...

[ That's embarrassing.]

No. I was just wondering if it'd change anything if it turned out I was from the ABN.

[dissimulative]

Huh? But didn't you say you were factory-born...?

[ ???

He keeps holding Sinclair's hand. ]

[insinning]

...I thought I was. That's what I was told.

[ He squeezes Oria's hand again, gently]

But...ever since I've gone to these sessions, it feels like...that was definitely a lie. I don't have anyone to celebrate siblings day with. I'm weirdly deferential to my elders even though I'm from the AOU right? There are things here I should know but I don't.

[dissimulative]

But...

[ Oria is at a standstill. He never thought lesser of factory-born children. A life is a life. He treats people based on his personal experiences with them, not because of their background.

Why does it feel like such a big deal now? Because reality has been turning on its head? Things Oria have known are suddenly not what they were? ]

Wait, someone over at Limbus should have your information, right? Then...

[ His voice trails off again. ]

[insinning]

...yeah. It's classified even to me. Stupid, right?

[He looks down, anxiety growing. Did this change things after all? Would Oria look at him differently.]

But if I try digging too much I get... angry. Angrier than you've ever seen me. I still don't know why.

[dissimulative]

[ With that, Oria perks up and his grip strength momentarily returns in squeezing Sinclair's hand. ]

They didn't hurt you, did they?

[insinning]

No. We stop the sessions when it seems like I'm getting too upset.

[ Even if most sessions leave him a teary mess after. He doesn't want Oria to know that though]

[dissimulative]

[ Sinclair doesn't have to tell Oria about being a teary mess when he already told him about how on the verge of him being upset would be. He knows Sinclair would cry if he got so upset to the point they have to pause the session. ]

What is the session even like? Hypnotism? How do you just... draw memories out?

[insinning]

I was working with Dr. Klara first [the infamous radical. Yeah] But her mirror therapy didn't really work for me because I don't have any clear memories. So I got referred to this new therapy where I get hooked up to some machines and... it's like I'm exploring my own mind? It's odd.

[dissimulative]

[ Sinclair now involving himself with radicals and now he has to be hooked up to machines? Again? Something about exploring his own mind gives Oria a sense of dread. ]

But you said that you stop when you start to feel upset, right? It must be hard pulling you back out of a mind exploration.

[insinning]

...mm. They keep me monitored closely and when I hit the point where my emotions seem to take over, they pull me out.

[It isn't just being upset though. It's the anger, so deep and furious it scared Sinclair to see it]</small.

[dissimulative]

... Isn't that kinda inevitable when you're possibly looking at upsetting memories? They were probably suppressed for a reason...

[ ??????????? ]

[insinning]

Mmm...but I, I get so angry...

[Oria thinks he's seen Sinclair angry before. But even that incident paled in comparison to how deeply angry Sinclair could get]

It's like I can't think anymore and...

[dissimulative]

[ Oria stays quiet, waiting for Sinclair to finish speaking. He won't interrupt his explanation nor thoughts, because Oria thinks they need to be set free into the air. ]

[insinning]

...it's like I want to get violent. And destructive to the point where there's someone I want to hurt. That's wrong, isn't it?

[Maybe it was a good thing his memories were blocked]

[dissimulative]

Generally? Yeah. But you most likely felt wronged and wanted revenge... because something big probably happened--something that can't be undone no matter what.

[ That's why Oria is more understanding about it rather than a "omg emil dont kill people thats bad". Also, he has definitely seen Sinclair angry, but to imagine something worse than that... that really would be destructive like Sinclair said. Man. ]

It's a human emotion. It's normal.

[insinning]

[Sinclair smiles a little. Maybe that's why he wanted to tell Oria. Oria could understand]

Normal, huh? [Is it? He takes Oria's hand and just rests his forehead against it]

Maybe, but...I wish I understood why.

[dissimulative]

If you did... I'm sure we wouldn't be having this chat so calmly right now, if at all.

[ He has a bit of a wry smile as he watches Sinclair rest his forehead against the hand. ]

Don't rush into it, okay? We don't need you to be extra traumatized.

[insinning]

I wont. [He looks up a little. Or at least, he'll try not to. It's hard to say what that machine will make him look at next.

Still, the thought of that person...something twists in him] But enough about me...did they ever tell you what happened to make so many gauntlet knights sick like that?

[dissimulative]

Nope. As usual, they don't tell us jack shit. I saw the notice that went out to everyone too. It read like politics bullshit as it always does.

[ Oria really doesn't want to bring up the "my mother will hear about this!!" except, she probably will and he actually doesn't want that lmao ]

I didn't notice anything weird until Katja pointed out that I was bleeding out of my nose. As I stopped and took in the situation, my mind went blank and... that's it.

[ Then he fell and Sinclair caught him. ]