dappledleaves | THE WORLD: PSL LIFE

Yeah? I'll get you a new one! There's this new model that came out, and it's pretty sturdy too. And it's alright, Emil.

[ He laces his fingers with Sinclair's. ]

Fear is always irrational.

[ He smiles, relaxing a little]

...you know, it's comforting when you say that.

[ That it is irrational...but that was fine too. He links their fingers together]

A newer phone that can survive a lot would be nice.

It's true! Fear is always irrational. You can prepare yourself for it, but still freeze up when you confront it. It's not like I got over my fear of heights in a day either. Or a week. Or a month... stuff like this takes a while. And... I know this will too, but it'll eventually fade over time.

You've gotten better at facing forward, so I know you can come through.

[ Ah. Sinclair swallows again, and he leans over to press his lips to Oria's cheek in gratitude. Each word feels like a balm to his heart.

This too shall pass.]

If you can believe in me... then so can I.

I will always believe in you, Emil.

[ He smiles at him. ]

Because you're actually a stronger person than you think you are.

Oria...

[ He wipes at his eyes again, shaking his head. That's the part he struggles to believe. Is he strong? He's not sure. Even so]

... still. I'm glad you do.

[Because Sinclair can buoy himself through that simple faith alone]

You know that I'm not the type to blindly believe in things. You've shown me things that can back my belief, so... I hope you can believe in yourself as much as I believe in you someday.

[ The traffic is gradually letting up, so Oria focuses his sights on the road. However, the hand stays in Sinclair's, holding onto it tightly just like before. ]

Edited 2024-01-08 14:58 (UTC)

[ Sinclair rubs his thumb over the back of Oria's hand, taking comfort in it. If Oria doesn't need his hand back immediately, then he'll hang onto it for as long as he can]

That's why your belief is so important to me. [ His smile softens, and the lump in his throat loosens]

... I'll keep trying.

I know you will.

[ Sinclair can have Oria's hand throughout the entire drive. If anything, Oria doesn't seem too keen on letting go.

...

Oria wonders if Sinclair got to say everything that he wanted, but tries to shelf the thought as he finally drives through an unclogged highway. ]

[ Sinclair watches the traffic finally clear up and he squeezes Oria's hand again just to reassure himself. He's quiet for a moment before he has to ask]

...won't it bother you if I suddenly need to call you at a terrible hour when I return to Seattle?

You say that like I'll actually be bothered. Even if I'm sleeping, it won't bother me if you're calling.

[ Straight up. No lies. Oria sounds extremely convicted in his answer. ]

[Oh. The warmth and relief from Sinclair is palpable. He wont question Oria's convictions. It is an unfortunate truth that most of Sinclair's worries come to the forefront at terrible times of the night...Honestly, he got trained into 3am texting conversations with Justy]

You'll get sleep deprived. [Like Sinclair]

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be just a phone call away. I can adjust my schedule accordingly anyway. It's not a hassle and it will never be.

[ Also because he can trust Sinclair to be reasonable. Late night bad thoughts is normal and Oria thinks he can take it. ]

[Sinclair laughs softly, some sense of worry easing out of him.]

Okay. Then...when I'm worried, or anxious...I'll call you first.

Always.

[ Oria squeezes his hand for a moment. He's good at driving with one hand. No big deal. ]

Tell me anything and everything. I'll be here to listen anytime.

[Sinclair squeezes Oria's hand back in turn.]

I will.

[There is so much reassurance in those few words]

[ He likes the reassurance that came out of this and the rest of the drive is full of nice feelings. They can go shopping next time together.

After a day full of "recovery", night falls and it's time to sleep. Sinclair and Oria sleep in Oria's room, in his king-sized bed, snuggling and cuddling to their content. Oria is comfortable sleeping like this. It's just like their time in Fragment, but the warmth is a little more real.

And so are their dreams. ]

[Sinclair had been telling the truth earlier; he had been okay. Time with Oria was always good for chasing those feelings away anyway. But the incident stirred up some buried feelings he didn't know he had been keeping bottled up. There's a grainy photo of him and Oria, take from a far distance. From their skating date at a restaurant.

Then it was a snippet from a news article about the Severine Patriarch he had come across while browsing on his phone, whispers on a buried forum about True Crime cases involving the Sinclairs and...

Bad dreams don't always need a reason. But these small things build, and he finds himself tossing and turning at night.

His dreams are warm at first in an aching sort of way. It's memory of his family. laughing in the kitchen as they rolled dumplings together. Beatrice had smiled at him, asking about Oria, making him stammer and blush until he ran for the door to open it. Oria was coming of course, because it was suppose to be a family dinner--but when he opens the door, Oria falls into his arms covered in burns and blood, and a scream catches in his throat.

"E-Emil..."

Then there's screaming all behind him punctured by a whistle. He turns, shaken..and sees the hallway dyed with blood.

Ah. This was...again. His sister's body rolls down the stairs. His parents' corpses strewn across the floor. And Kromer croons for him, her voice singsong.

"My Sinclair."]

[ Oria eventually wakes due to Sinclair tossing and turning. He can't see anything in the dark and isn't sure why Sinclair is tossing and turning so much, but he wraps an arm around his torso to pull him close to spoon him. ]

[Sinclair will never be able to forget the smell of blood and death. The nightmare takes a turn, reality overlapping with his own fears. Oria's taken away from him, despite his desperation to get him away and Sinclair is just weak and useless and unable to do anything as Kromer promises to cleanse the world.

"Sinclair...you had a chance. How many times must you waste it."

Then he sees that man raise a giant hammer over Oria's head and--

He screams, but nothing comes out.

No. No. No..

Sinclair's eyes snap open, his breathing ragged and shaky as he wakes up to an all too familiar room, with an all familiar presence wound around him, a strangled scream caught in his throat.]

O...Oria...?

Mm... I'm here, Emil.

[ Oria buries his face into the nape of Sinclair's neck, quietly breathing in and out normally in comparison to Sinclair's. ]

I'm here... it'll be okay.

[Sinclair swallows, reaching down to press his hands over Oria's, and feel anchored and secure. His skin is a little clammy, and he feels cold, despite Oria's arms around him]

Is it...? Are you really...?

[He can't calm his heart at all, even as he tries to focus on the pattern of Oria's breaths]

[ Despite the clamminess, Oria keeps his arms around Sinclair. It looks like he had a nightmare and Oria will do his best to make him feel safe and secure again when he's here. ]

I'm real.

[ He says very firmly, lightly pinching Sinclair's stomach over the shirt. ]

You're cold, so I'll warm you up too.

Hey. [Sinclair squirms a little at the pinch, more for the sake of squirming than actually feeling anything. He exhales softly, shivering a little as he tries to turn into Oria's hold. He needs to see and touch Oria for himself]

It really is cold...

[ Oria lets Sinclair turn in his hold, and gives him small kisses all over his face. Oria isn't much warm himself, but that's normal. ]

Is it warmer now...?

[ He speaks with a near drawl because he just woke up, and nuzzles a little into the side of his face. ]

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