dappledleaves | THE WORLD: PSL LIFE

Mmm... they've got some lead on Sarabi's partners. But we've got two weeks before they call me back.

[ He doesn't want to go back yet and the thought gives him a pang.]

Two weeks, huh? That's two weeks longer than I thought it'd be.

[ Oria smiles a little. He's keeping his eyes on the road so there is no need to worry. Smooth sailing. ]

The house will get busy soon too...

[ Another wistful sigh. When can he just live in peace with Sinclair... the prospect feels so far away. ]

Mm. It feels too soon though.

[Sinclair sighs a little as he watches the scenery move away from the port. He wants...a quiet life. He realises that now. Maybe with some travel, visiting different countries and places but...]

What's going to happen at your place?

Family stuff, business stuff... the works.

[ Considering how Iria and Kaleria were barely home nowadays, that's a sure sign. ]

They still want me to take time off to recover.

[ He's fine physically, but mentally? Oria genuinely thinks he's fine, but this is also the kind of guy who lies at doctors on mental wellness examinations. ]

I'm fine though.

You should listen to them. Even if you feel fine...it can catch up with you if you go too hard too early.

[Sinclair frowns a little, digging through his bag. Ah, his snacks made it even if the other things got dropped...what a waste. He undoes a wrapper of a lollypop and holds it up to Oria's mouth. Sugar boost :T]

[ Nom. Oria takes the candy into his mouth, rolling it from one side of the mouth to the other with his tongue with his mouth closed. Tasty. ]

I don't go hard at all! Hell, I barely even go in the first place. I feel so restless if there's nothing to keep me busy...

[Sinclair takes one for himself - strawberry - and shoves it in his own mouth. He still feels like he can taste the chloroform...]

You're enrolled in full time university courses and managing business activities. That's way more than most people can handle. [Oria please. Sinclair leans back into the seat to get comfortable] If you really need to keep busy though...[Hmm]

Edited 2024-01-07 07:04 (UTC)

About that... I think I might have to take online courses from how busy I'll be. They're finally opening hybrid classes too, so I won't have to be on campus that much.

[ Even the normal university life is robbed from him. Surely, Oria was looking forward to it if it was something inevitable in the first place. The lollipop inside Oria's mouth snaps in two with a sharp crunch.

-1 sanity ]

[Sinclair studies Oria, his brow furrowing a little]

...even if it might be more convenient, isn't it better to be in person anyway?

[To meet people, to learn better (not that Oria needed it), to remind yourself of how different the world was outside...

Honestly, a part of Sinclair was deeply envious of Deto, Nanase and Oria for that one reason. He had wanted to go too. He doesn't want to see Oria miss out.]

I bet you already calculated how many lectures and classes you can miss before you get pulled up on attendance.

[ Oria laughs a little. Did he though? Honestly, he thought about it—doing the exact thing that Sinclair mentioned. But he knows there's value in attending classes, exactly for the reason that Sinclair is thinking.

However. ]

I'd go if I had time. The odds are, I'll be watching something prerecorded and going through the class when I can. It won't match typical class schedules.

[ Oria was jealous of Deto for the normalcy his life led before Fragment. Everyone has their hardships, but when the biggest current worry is something completely mundane, that's something to be thankful for. Even Michel pointed it out: people making a purposeful attempt on your life at least twice a year isn't normal, but it's normal for Oria.

He wished it wasn't his normal, but wishes are merely just that—wishful thinking that never comes true in reality. ]

But it's fine. Academics aren't worth much to me anyway.

[ It was never about that. It was about the experience, the mundane, the common memories and perspectives, the—

Ever since he's seen an abnormality and had the various encounters, he feels that his mental stability has been absolutely rattled as if it forcibly unlocked something that was meant to be kept closed. It's gotten harder lately. ]

But I've been worried about you, Emil.

I know. But, when you're at university you can meet people and--

[He cuts himself off. They both knew what Oria would be missing out on if he stopped going properly. Sinclair wouldn't have the chance for that life, as temporary as it was. But Oria could. And he desperately wants that for Oria, knowing what Oria has seen, and the things he's been forced to do. He fidgets a little with his bag] ...I think it'd be good if you could keep doing that. It seems helpful for people to have those experiences.

[He glances back out the window at the second part of that conversation]

...ah, you're worried about me?

Edited 2024-01-07 08:02 (UTC)

[ Oria knows what he would be missing out on. It's not like he wants to, but did he ever have a choice in the matter? He momentarily grips the steering wheel harder than he's supposed to, but relaxes once he gets to traffic on the highway. He clicks his tongue in annoyance and lets go of the steering wheel. The cars are moving a meter a minute. ]

Yeah, I am. You've been wanting revenge against Kromer for so long, and now that you've finally gotten it, I was worried if you felt empty.

[ That's how most vengeance goes, which was why Oria was worried about the revenge plot, because if Sinclair and Mithrun died for it while feeling empty, Oria wouldn't have wanted that for them.

... ]

[ Sinclair is quiet for a moment, his thoughts tangled up together. He wants Oria to fight for it, a brief reprieve with a normal life... but that was just hypocrisy coming from him, all things considered. He takes the lollipop out of his mouth, frowning]

I... wanted revenge, but I wasn't living for it. Not since...well, I figured things out. With you, Michel...[ He looks the river of cars before them. Prior to Fragment, he had spent most of that time running. ]

Honestly... I'm still scared. Even though I saw her die,.I can't shake the sense that when I return to Seattle, she'll be there to haunt me all over again. That the idea I'm actually free of her is just an illusion. Crazy, right?

[ Oria knows when to give up. He's fought for it before, but there was just no feasible way. Alas. He listens to Sinclair talk and when he finishes, he reaches out to hold his hand. ]

No, that's normal. She's been stalking you and making sure that you live in fear of her more than a year. That sort of thing get ingrained into you. It's not something you can just shake off after her death. It lingers.

[ He squeezes Sinclair's hand for a moment. ]

But that's why I'll be here to help you through it, even if I can't be there physically. I'll be there for you whenever I can, in whatever way I can. Over time, your mind will realize that she's no longer here. And that you're free.

Mm. Yeah. Okay.

[ Sinclair swallows, squeezing Oria's hand. His throat suddenly feels tight, like every single emotion he's had over the last few weeks threatens to overwhelm him. After everything, he hadn't wanted to let this show. And yet...]

It's so frustrating though...that she still has that influence over me.

[ Oria knows that it probably wasn't as comforting as he wanted it to be, but he's not sure what else to say right now. He could use his natural charisma or whatever, but when he sees Sinclair like that and reflects on his own actions and thoughts, all the words he wants to say go down the metaphorical drain. ]

You're right. It's incredibly frustrating.

[ Oria understands. He felt like he was Satria's shadow throughout most of his life. Imagine a dead fetus having influence over you. ]

That's why... I want us to take the time and go over that together.

[ Sinclair looks at Oria and nods, lifting his hand up to press to his cheek and nuzzle gently. He's thankful for Oria.]

...together sounds good. I'm so lucky to have you.

[ Charismatic words wouldn't help here; but Oria's raw feelings do help. It keeps him steady]

[ Oria rubs his thumb over Sinclair's cheek just a little, since he can't do much in the driver's seat, even though the car is only moving so slowly, if at all. ]

Yeah, so... process it with me. You can tell me anything.

[ Sinclair presses a soft kiss to Oria's palm, exhaling softly]

Mm. You always make these things easy for me.

Yeah, so... if you ever wanna let it out, you can now. I'm right here to listen.

[ If Sinclair feels like talking about it right now anyway. They're stuck in traffic together for the foreseeable future. ]

[ Sinclair gives a tiny nod, squeezing at Oria's hand a little more tightly. His eyes feel hot ]

You know, I keep thinking I just want to run away somewhere with you. So we don't have to deal with any of this anymore...

[ Oria gives a momentary hand squeeze in return. It's okay to cry. It's always for others to cry. ]

Yeah? Where would you want to go? Maybe like the island where I hosted the reunion party? That was practically in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah. [ Sinclair wipes at his eyes, tangling their fingers together]

Something like that. It felt really free from everything.

[ Softly ]

...I was glad I was in the hospital during Christmas. They didn't play music in my room or try to decorate it to give me Christmas 'cheer'.

I'm glad that they didn't do that. They blasted it in mine because it was connected to everything... I was so ready to leave.

[ Oria laughs a little, trying to lighten the mood a little and trying to get Sinclair to talk more. ]

Was it peaceful during recovery?

I don't know how mine got to be so private honestly.

[ Sinclair laughs, his mood lightening a little]

It was... peaceful. It was confusing when I woke up though. It was so hard to move... honestly I panicked a bit too since it was empty. Turns out Mr. Gregor had stepped out for a smoke...

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